“30 Ways Men Think We’re Fooling Women, But They’re Actually the Real MVPs”

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Let’s be honest, fellas: Women know everything. We may think we’re pulling off some slick moves or trying to keep things low-key, but in reality, they’ve got us figured out from the start. As much as we like to pretend we’re the ones calling the shots, it’s actually the ladies running the show, and we’re just along for the ride. Here’s a list of 30 ways we think we’re fooling women, but really? They’re the true masterminds behind it all. We’re just here for the comedy of it.

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1. “I’m fine”—But She’s Already Analyzing My Mood
I tell her I’m fine, but she already knows I’m about to binge on ice cream while pretending to be okay. She sees through the act like a detective in a crime movie.

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2. “I’ll call you later”—But She’s Already Set the Reminder
I say I’ll call her later, but she’s already set a reminder to check in with me in 30 minutes. Who’s really in control here?

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3. “I’m not tired”—But She Knows I’m Passing Out In 5 Minutes
I insist I’m not tired, but she knows the second I lay down, I’ll be snoring louder than a freight train. She’s always ready with a blanket before I even admit defeat.

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4. “I’ll do it later”—But She’s Already Doing It
I say I’ll handle it later, but the second my back is turned, she’s already knocked out the to-do list faster than I can find the remote. Men and their “later” mentality, right?

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5. “I’m not hungry”—But She Already Knows I’m Waiting for Her Fries
“I’m not hungry,” I say, but the second she takes a bite of her fries, I’m looking at them like they’re my last meal. She’s got me figured out.

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6. “I’ll fix it”—But She’s Already Fixed It Without Telling Me
I tell her I’ll fix the broken chair, but she already did it without even asking me. I swear, she has some sort of secret superhero power.

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7. “I’m just chilling”—But She’s Keeping Me Busy Without Me Knowing
I tell her I’m just chilling, but somehow I’m helping her reorganize the closet, doing laundry, and fixing the Wi-Fi. Casual, right? She knows how to keep me occupied.

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8. “I don’t care where we eat”—But She’s Already Picked the Place
I say I don’t care where we eat, but she already knows exactly where I want to go. Women don’t need to ask twice—they already know what’s going on in our heads.

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9. “I’m not jealous”—But I’m Already Eyeing That Guy at the Bar
I tell her I’m not jealous, but when some other guy talks to her, I’m silently fuming while pretending to be cool about it. She knows, I know, we all know.

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10. “I’m not mad”—But I’m Giving Her the Silent Treatment
I claim I’m not mad, but she’s already seen through my “silent treatment” act. She knows when I’m faking it, and she knows when I need a hug to make things right.

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11. “I’ll be ready in 5 minutes”—But I’m Still Looking for Socks
I tell her I’m ready, but I’m still hunting for matching socks and figuring out which shirt goes with my pants. Five minutes means at least 20.

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12. “I’m listening”—But I’m Actually Trying to Beat My High Score
I tell her I’m listening, but I’m secretly trying to break my high score on Candy Crush. She’s always on to me though, never fooled by the “uh-huh” responses.

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13. “I’m just being nice”—But I’m Actually Hoping for a Kiss
I’ll say I’m just being nice, but deep down, I’m waiting for her to give me that sweet kiss. She knows I’m trying to be subtle, but there’s no fooling her.

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14. “I’m not checking her out”—But I’m Totally Doing It
“I wasn’t staring at her,” I say, but my eyes were definitely locked in on her like a hawk. She knows. And I swear, she can feel my gaze even when I think I’m being smooth.

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15. “I didn’t forget”—But I Definitely Forgot
I say I didn’t forget our anniversary, but I’m low-key panicking, trying to figure out what to get her last minute. She’s already known for hours, though.

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16. “I don’t care what we watch”—But I’ve Already Picked the Movie
I tell her I don’t care what we watch, but I’ve secretly been scrolling through Netflix, planning my movie choice. She’ll catch me halfway through a “not caring” statement, and I’ll be holding the remote like a pro.

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17. “I’m not avoiding you”—But I’m Literally Avoiding You
“I’m not avoiding you,” I say, but I’m dodging her calls like I’m on a secret mission. I’ll swear up and down that I’m just busy, but we both know the truth.

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18. “I don’t need help”—But I’m Totally Going to Ask for It
“I don’t need help,” I say while looking completely lost with the furniture assembly instructions. Ten minutes later, I’m handing her the manual with a sheepish grin.

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19. “I’m fine with you talking to your ex”—But I’m Actually Really Not
I tell her I’m fine with her talking to her ex, but I’m silently running through every possible scenario where he’s a secret villain in my love story. She knows I’m pretending to be “okay” about it.

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20. “I can do it all”—But I’m Actually About to Ask for Directions
“I got this,” I say, but I’m just one wrong turn away from pulling over to ask for directions. She’s the GPS, but I’m too proud to admit it until I’m hopelessly lost.

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21. “I’m just being honest”—But I’m Actually Complimenting You to Get What I Want
“I’m just being honest,” I say, while I slip in that compliment to get her to agree with me. She knows I’m buttering her up, but it works every time.

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22. “I’m not looking at my phone”—But I’m Checking It Every 10 Seconds
“I’m not looking at my phone,” I say, but I’ve got the notifications open like it’s a game of poker. She catches me, though. And it’s not cute.

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23. “I’m not worried about it”—But I’m Secretly Losing Sleep Over It
“I’m not worried about it,” I claim, but inside, I’m obsessively analyzing every little detail of the situation. She knows I’m stressed, but I’m too stubborn to admit it.

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24. “I’ll do it tomorrow”—But Tomorrow Never Comes
“I’ll do it tomorrow,” I say, but tomorrow turns into next week. She’s the one who actually gets things done, and I’m just the guy holding the “I’ll do it later” sign.

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25. “I don’t need a hug”—But I Definitely Need a Hug
“I’m fine, I don’t need a hug,” I say, but deep down, I’m practically begging for one. She knows when I’m pretending to be tough, and she’s ready to hug me through it.

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26. “I’m not stressed”—But I’m Secretly A Mess
“I’m not stressed,” I tell her, but inside, I’m about to pull my hair out. She knows when I need to talk about it, and that’s when she steps in like a superhero.

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27. “I’m not hungry”—But I’m Definitely Waiting for Her Leftovers
“I’m not hungry,” I say, but once she takes the last bite of her meal, I’m looking at her plate like it’s a treasure chest. She knows, and I know she’s going to offer it.

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28. “I’m not scared”—But I’m Literally Terrified
“I’m not scared,” I claim while watching a horror movie, but every shadow in the room has me gripping the couch like my life depends on it. She already knows I’m scared, so why bother pretending?

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29. “I don’t care”—But I Care WAY Too Much
“I don’t care,” I say, but when she picks a movie, I’m mentally ranking it on a scale of 1-10. She’s rolling her eyes because she knows I care way too much.

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30. “I’m not lost”—But I’m About to Ask for Directions
“I’m not lost,” I say, but when we hit a dead-end, I’m looking at the map like it’s a puzzle. She already knows I’m hopeless with directions, but she loves me anyway.

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Men may think they’re pulling the wool over women’s eyes, but in reality, women have got us all figured out. We may not always admit it, but let’s face it—there’s no one better at managing the situation than our favorite women. And honestly, we wouldn’t have it any other way. So here’s to them—our partners in crime, our everyday superheroes, the ones who know us better than we know ourselves.