How to spot a covert narcissist: 10 telltale signs
Understanding and identifying the traits of a covert narcissist can be challenging as they often hide their true nature behind a facade of humility and charm. However, there are certain red flags to look out for that can help you recognize if someone you know exhibits covert narcissistic tendencies.
Here are 10 telltale signs to help you spot a covert narcissist:
1. They Lack Empathy
One of the key traits of a covert narcissist is their inability to show empathy towards others. They often struggle to understand or relate to other people’s emotions and experiences. They may dismiss or invalidate the feelings of others, making relationships with them difficult and one-sided.
Covert narcissists may also be quick to criticize or judge others without considering how their words impact those around them. Their lack of empathy can create a toxic environment in personal and professional relationships.
Pay attention to how they respond to situations where empathy is needed, as it can provide valuable insight into their true nature.
2. They Have a Sense of Entitlement
Covert narcissists often believe that they are more deserving of special treatment or privileges than others. They have a sense of entitlement that drives their behavior and interactions with those around them. This entitlement can manifest in various ways, such as expecting preferential treatment or feeling resentful when others do not meet their expectations.
They may also manipulate situations to ensure that they always come out on top, regardless of the impact on others. This sense of entitlement can make it challenging to have healthy and balanced relationships with covert narcissists.
Be wary of individuals who constantly demand special treatment or act as if they are above following societal norms or rules.
3. They Are Highly Sensitive to Criticism
Despite their outward appearance of confidence, covert narcissists are extremely sensitive to criticism and rejection. They cannot handle any form of negative feedback and may react defensively or aggressively when their actions or behavior are questioned.
They may use gaslighting techniques to deflect blame onto others or deny their faults altogether. This hypersensitivity to criticism can make it difficult to have open and honest communication with a covert narcissist, as they are quick to become defensive and may resort to manipulation to protect their image.
Observe how they react to feedback or constructive criticism, as it can reveal their true nature and level of self-awareness.
4. They Lack Accountability
Covert narcissists often refuse to take responsibility for their actions or admit when they are wrong. They may shift blame onto others or make excuses to avoid facing consequences for their behavior.
They have a talent for twisting facts and manipulating situations to paint themselves in a positive light, even when they are at fault. This lack of accountability can damage relationships and erode trust over time, as those around them struggle to reconcile their actions with reality.
Look out for patterns of behavior where the covert narcissist consistently avoids taking responsibility or owning up to their mistakes.
5. They Seek Constant Validation
Covert narcissists have an insatiable need for admiration and validation from others. They often rely on external sources to boost their self-esteem and self-worth, seeking praise and acknowledgment to feel validated.
They may fish for compliments or create situations where they are the center of attention to fulfill their need for validation. This constant seeking of approval can be exhausting for those around them, as they are expected to provide reassurance and praise on a regular basis.
Notice how the covert narcissist reacts when they do not receive the validation they seek, as it can reveal their underlying insecurities and need for external validation.
6. They Display Envy and Resentment
Covert narcissists often harbor feelings of envy and resentment towards others who they perceive as more successful, attractive, or accomplished. They struggle to celebrate the achievements of others and may undermine or belittle their accomplishments to elevate themselves.
They may engage in passive-aggressive behavior or subtle forms of sabotage to ensure that they remain superior in the eyes of those around them. This envy and resentment can create a competitive and toxic dynamic in relationships and undermine the success of others.
Pay attention to how the covert narcissist responds to the success and happiness of others, as it can provide insight into their true intentions and motivations.
7. They Are Highly Manipulative
One of the hallmark traits of a covert narcissist is their manipulative behavior. They use subtle tactics to control and influence those around them, often without their knowledge. Covert narcissists are skilled at exploiting the vulnerabilities of others to achieve their own goals and agendas.
They may use charm, flattery, or guilt-tripping to manipulate others into getting what they want. Their manipulative tactics can be difficult to detect, as they often disguise their true intentions behind a mask of kindness and concern.
Watch out for signs of manipulation in your interactions with the covert narcissist, as it can help you protect yourself from being taken advantage of.
8. They Engage in Gaslighting
Gaslighting is a common tactic used by covert narcissists to undermine the reality and perception of those around them. They may deny or distort facts, manipulate the truth, or use psychological tactics to make others question their own judgment and sanity.
Gaslighting can be a powerful tool for covert narcissists to control and manipulate those in their lives, as it creates doubt and confusion in the minds of their victims. They may use gaslighting to shift blame, avoid accountability, or maintain their facade of perfection and infallibility.
Be mindful of instances where the covert narcissist tries to distort reality or rewrite history to suit their agenda, as it can be a red flag for manipulative behavior.
9. They Lack Genuine Interest in Others
Covert narcissists often have difficulty forming meaningful and genuine connections with others. They may appear charming and charismatic on the surface, but lack the ability to truly empathize or connect with others on a deeper level.
They may show superficial interest in others to fulfill their own needs for validation and admiration, but struggle to maintain authentic and reciprocal relationships. This emotional detachment can leave those around them feeling unfulfilled and unimportant in their lives.
Notice how the covert narcissist interacts with others and whether their actions align with their words, as it can reveal their true intentions and level of sincerity.
10. They Have a Victim Mentality
Covert narcissists often portray themselves as victims in various situations to garner sympathy and attention from others. They may use their perceived struggles and hardships as a way to manipulate and control those around them, playing on their emotions for personal gain.
They may exaggerate or fabricate stories to paint themselves as the victim and evoke a sense of pity or compassion from others. This victim mentality can be emotionally draining for those in their lives, as they are constantly manipulated into providing support and reassurance.
Pay attention to how the covert narcissist portrays themselves in different situations, and whether they consistently position themselves as the victim to avoid accountability.
Conclusion
Spotting a covert narcissist can be challenging due to their ability to mask their true intentions and manipulate those around them. By understanding the telltale signs of covert narcissism, you can protect yourself from their toxic behavior and maintain healthy boundaries in your relationships.
Remember to trust your instincts and seek support from trusted friends and professionals if you suspect that someone in your life may exhibit covert narcissistic tendencies. Your emotional well-being is important, and setting boundaries with toxic individuals is crucial for your mental health.