The Shocking Things Narcissist Enablers Say to Keep You Under Control

Dealing with a narcissist can be draining, but it’s even more challenging when others around you enable their behavior. Narcissist enablers often say things that reinforce the narcissist’s control and undermine your self-confidence. Understanding these manipulative phrases can help you break free from their influence and reclaim your self-worth.

Enablers often justify or excuse the narcissist’s behavior, making it difficult for you to recognize the unhealthy dynamics at play. Their comments can leave you feeling confused and isolated, as they frequently downplay your experiences and reinforce the narcissist’s narrative. Recognizing these phrases is crucial for understanding the full scope of manipulation you’re facing.

By identifying and addressing the things enablers say, you can start to distance yourself from their influence and focus on your own mental well-being. Let’s explore some of the common statements made by narcissist enablers and how they impact you.

“They’re Just Having a Bad Day”

When a narcissist lashes out or exhibits toxic behavior, enablers often downplay it by attributing it to a “bad day” or external stress. This statement is designed to minimize the impact of the narcissist’s actions and to shift the focus away from the real issues at hand.

By suggesting that the narcissist’s behavior is just a temporary reaction to stress, enablers make it harder for you to address the root causes of the problem. This tactic is used to normalize the abusive behavior and discourage you from setting boundaries or taking action.

“You’re Overreacting”

Narcissist enablers frequently accuse you of “overreacting” when you express concern or frustration about the narcissist’s behavior. This statement is intended to invalidate your feelings and make you question your own perceptions of the situation.

By labeling your reactions as overreactions, enablers divert attention from the narcissist’s behavior and place the blame on you. This tactic not only undermines your self-esteem but also reinforces the narcissist’s control by making you doubt your own emotional responses.

“They Don’t Mean It That Way”

Enablers often dismiss hurtful comments or actions by claiming that the narcissist “didn’t mean it that way.” This statement is used to downplay the impact of the narcissist’s behavior and to encourage you to overlook the damage caused.

By suggesting that the narcissist’s intentions were not harmful, enablers shift the responsibility away from the narcissist and onto you. This tactic helps maintain the status quo and prevents you from addressing or challenging the harmful behavior.

“You’re the Problem, Not Them”

A common tactic used by enablers is to place the blame on you, suggesting that you are the problem rather than the narcissist. This statement is designed to shift responsibility and reinforce the narcissist’s narrative that you are at fault for any issues in the relationship.

By accusing you of being the problem, enablers help perpetuate the cycle of blame and keep you in a position where you question your own role in the relationship. This tactic is a way to keep you dependent on the narcissist and to maintain their control over you.

“They’ve Been Through a Lot”

Enablers frequently justify the narcissist’s behavior by pointing out the difficulties or challenges the narcissist has faced in their life. This statement is used to elicit sympathy and to excuse their harmful actions.

By focusing on the narcissist’s past struggles, enablers divert attention from the current abusive behavior and create a sense of obligation for you to tolerate their actions. This tactic is designed to manipulate your compassion and keep you in a position where you feel responsible for accommodating the narcissist’s behavior.

“They’re Just Trying to Help”

When a narcissist exhibits controlling or manipulative behavior, enablers might frame it as a form of “help” or concern. This statement is intended to make you feel guilty for questioning the narcissist’s actions and to validate their intrusive behavior.

By portraying the narcissist’s actions as helpful or supportive, enablers obscure the true nature of the behavior and make it harder for you to recognize the manipulation. This tactic reinforces the narcissist’s control and discourages you from asserting your own needs and boundaries.

“You Should Be More Understanding”

Enablers often tell you to “be more understanding” of the narcissist’s behavior, implying that any dissatisfaction you feel is due to a lack of empathy on your part. This statement shifts the focus from the narcissist’s actions to your perceived shortcomings.

By suggesting that you need to be more understanding, enablers place the burden of the relationship’s issues on you. This tactic is used to divert attention away from the narcissist’s behavior and to pressure you into accepting their actions without question.

“They’re Just Being Honest”

Enablers sometimes justify harsh or hurtful comments by claiming that the narcissist is “just being honest.” This statement is used to rationalize their behavior and to make you feel that any criticism you receive is a form of tough love rather than manipulation.

By framing the narcissist’s behavior as honesty, enablers normalize the harmful comments and make it seem like you’re overreacting. This tactic helps maintain the narcissist’s control and reinforces their narrative that their actions are justified.

“It’s Not That Big of a Deal”

When you try to address the impact of the narcissist’s behavior, enablers might downplay the situation by saying, “It’s not that big of a deal.” This statement is meant to trivialize your experiences and discourage you from taking action.

By minimizing the significance of the behavior, enablers make it harder for you to address the issues effectively. This tactic helps perpetuate the narcissistic dynamics and keeps you in a state of confusion and self-doubt.

“They’re Just Misunderstood”

Enablers often defend the narcissist by claiming that they are “just misunderstood.” This statement is used to excuse their behavior and to make it seem like the real problem lies in your inability to understand the narcissist’s intentions.

By portraying the narcissist as a misunderstood victim, enablers shift the focus away from their harmful actions and onto your perceived failings. This tactic helps maintain the narcissist’s control and reinforces their manipulative behavior.

In conclusion, recognizing the manipulative statements made by narcissist enablers is crucial for reclaiming your self-worth and protecting your mental health. By understanding the impact of these phrases, you can better navigate the complexities of your relationships and take steps to distance yourself from toxic influences. Remember, you deserve to be treated with respect and to have your feelings validated, regardless of what others may say.