30 Signs You’re In a Relationship with a Narcissist (And Why You’re His Perfect Pawn)

You’ve probably heard the classic phrase: “You’ll never know what you have until it’s gone.” But what if that’s exactly what happens while you’re still in the relationship? You think you’re the love of their life, the one they’ve been waiting for, but slowly, subtly, you realize you’ve become just another player in their narcissistic game. Ready to face the truth? Well, here are 30 signs that you’re not only dealing with a narcissist but that you might just be their personal emotional ATM.

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1. You’re Their Perfect Love…Until You’re Not
At first, you were everything to them. They told you you were perfect. They showered you with compliments, made you feel on top of the world. But as time went on, the praise stopped. Suddenly, nothing you do is ever good enough. It’s like you were the ultimate prize… until they got bored.

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2. They Take, Take, Take…And Never Give Back
They drain your emotional energy like a black hole. You give everything—your time, your love, your energy—but when it’s your turn to ask for something? Silence. The more you give, the less they return, leaving you emotionally bankrupt while they move on to their next conquest.

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3. They Gaslight You Into Thinking You’re the Problem
Ever notice how you start doubting your own sanity? That’s because they’ve perfected the art of gaslighting. They make you question reality, flip the script, and somehow convince you that all their hurtful behavior is your fault. “Why are you being so sensitive?” they’ll ask, after ripping your heart out.

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4. Your Needs Are Never a Priority
When you need them the most, they’re too busy. When it’s their turn to need something, suddenly you’re expected to drop everything. They make you feel like your needs are inconvenient, but don’t dare ignore theirs. Your emotional availability? Always on-demand.

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5. Your Efforts Are Never Appreciated
You go out of your way to show you care, but it never seems to matter. They’ve mastered the art of feigned appreciation. A compliment here and there, but when it comes time for them to reciprocate, the praise turns into criticism. If you’re lucky, you get a “Thanks” — but nothing beyond that.

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6. They Play Victim Even When They’re the Villain
No matter what happens, they’ve somehow become the victim. They twist every situation, no matter how wrong they’ve been, and paint themselves as the one who’s suffering. You end up feeling guilty for being hurt by their behavior, as if it’s all your fault.

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7. They Never Apologize, But Always Expect You To
In their world, they’re never wrong. They’ve convinced themselves that they are perfect and can do no wrong. You, on the other hand, are expected to apologize—even when you’re the one hurt. If you don’t, well, prepare for a cold shoulder or, even worse, complete indifference.

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8. They Are Experts at Playing Mind Games
It’s like dating a chess master. Every move they make is calculated, designed to keep you on your toes, unsure of where you stand. They constantly change the rules, making it impossible to win, and you’re left wondering if there was ever a game in the first place.

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9. They Can’t Stand to Be Ignored
The moment you pull back, even just a little, they flip. They need your attention, admiration, and love constantly. If they can’t control your emotions, they get uncomfortable and start manipulating the situation. Suddenly, you’re being accused of being distant, even though you’re just trying to find your own space.

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10. They Have a Story for Everything…Except Accountability
Ask them about the past, and they’ve got a story to tell. The problem is, it’s always someone else’s fault. They never take responsibility for their mistakes, but they’ll make sure you know everyone else is to blame for all their woes.

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11. They Hold Grudges Like It’s Their Job
Ever notice how they never seem to forget anything? Something you said months ago? It’s still fresh in their mind. They hold grudges like trophies, and they’ll bring up your past mistakes at the worst possible moments, just to remind you that you’re not perfect.

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12. They Love the Drama
Narcissists thrive in chaos. The more dramatic, the better. They love stirring up conflict, creating unnecessary tension, and turning small issues into full-blown crises. It keeps them in control and gives them an audience to watch their emotional “performance.”

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13. They Make You Feel Like You’re In Competition
You’re not just their partner—you’re also their competition. Whether it’s competing for attention or constantly one-upping your accomplishments, you’ll find yourself in an unhealthy rivalry. They want to be the best at everything, and that means belittling you along the way.

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14. You Feel Like You’re Walking on Eggshells
No matter what you do, it’s never the right thing. You’re constantly afraid of saying or doing something that will set them off. Living in a constant state of anxiety is just part of the deal when you’re with a narcissist. Their temper is short, and they don’t hesitate to let you know when they’re displeased.

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15. They Act Like They’ve Done You a Favor
After all the emotional labor you’ve put in, they act like you should be grateful for their bare minimum. If they’ve ever done something nice for you, they’ll make sure to remind you of it at the worst times, as if you owe them for every small act of kindness.

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16. You’re Left Wondering if They Ever Really Loved You
As time goes on, the doubts creep in. Did they ever truly love you, or were you just a pawn in their game? You find yourself questioning if the love they showed was real or just another way to keep you hooked for their own benefit.

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17. They Will Criticize You in Public
When they’re in the mood to tear you down, they don’t care who’s watching. They’ll criticize you in front of friends, family, and even strangers. The more embarrassing, the better. It’s a tactic designed to humiliate you into submission.

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18. They Use Your Weaknesses Against You
Anything you’ve shared with them in a vulnerable moment is now ammunition in their arsenal. They’ll use your weaknesses, your fears, and your insecurities to manipulate you. The more personal it is, the more likely they are to throw it in your face when it benefits them.

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19. They Need Constant Validation
You can never give them enough praise. It doesn’t matter how many times you tell them how great they are—they’ll always need more. It’s not about genuine appreciation; it’s about keeping you in a constant state of admiration, to keep them on a pedestal.

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20. They Will Never Let You Win an Argument
In their world, they are always right. Even if the evidence is stacked against them, they will find a way to twist the argument to make you the villain. Winning isn’t the goal—it’s about maintaining control and proving they are the superior one.

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21. Their Love Is Conditional
Love? Ha! Not in the way you think. Their love is based on how much you can provide for them emotionally, financially, or socially. If you’re not giving them what they want, they’ll pull back and make you feel worthless.

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22. They’ll Tell You How Lucky You Are to Be With Them
You’re lucky, alright. Lucky to be with someone as “amazing” as them. They’ll remind you often, and they’ll make sure you know that without them, you wouldn’t stand a chance in life.

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23. They’ll Turn Your Friends Against You
They don’t want anyone getting too close to you. If your friends are more supportive of you than they are, they’ll start planting seeds of doubt. It’s a classic tactic to isolate you so they can control you completely.

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24. They Love a Good Love-Hate Relationship
You’ll find yourself both loving them and hating them in the same breath. It’s exhausting, but it’s the perfect setup for them. You’re always emotionally tangled up in their games, not sure if you’re coming or going.

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25. They Think They’re Untouchable
To them, the rules don’t apply. They do what they want, when they want, without consequences. Their sense of entitlement is unmatched. If you try to challenge them, you’ll quickly learn that nothing gets past their thick ego.

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26. You’ll Lose Yourself
Slowly but surely, you’ll start to lose sight of who you are. Their needs come first, your identity fades into the background, and you start to wonder what happened to the person you used to be. Narcissists love to rewrite your story—so long as it revolves around them.

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27. You’ll Feel Constantly Exhausted
After being in a relationship with a narcissist, you’ll feel emotionally drained. Every interaction is a battle, and every battle leaves you feeling more depleted than the last. There’s no “winning” with a narcissist, only surviving.

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28. They Think Love Is a Transaction
Their idea of love is entirely transactional. What can you do for them? How can you benefit their life? If you’re not providing value, they’ll discard you for someone who will.

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29. They Can’t Stand To Lose Control
The moment they feel like they’re losing control over you or the relationship, they’ll stop at nothing to regain it. It’s a constant power struggle, and if you ever challenge their authority, they’ll make sure you know who’s in charge.

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30. They Love the Chase, But Hate the Commitment
Once they’ve won you over, they lose interest. They thrive on the excitement of the chase, but commitment? That’s for the weak. Once they’ve gotten you where they want you, it’s only a matter of time before they start looking for their next conquest.

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In a narcissistic relationship, you’ll always be playing catch-up. You’ll be giving everything you’ve got, and they’ll keep taking, leaving you empty. But here’s the thing—you don’t have to stay in this cycle. Recognizing these signs is the first step toward regaining control and finding the strength to walk away. You deserve better than to be the narcissist’s perfect pawn.