We all know that feeling when you say “no” to someone and, somehow, it feels like you just committed the worst crime imaginable. If you’ve ever been involved with a narcissist, you know exactly what I mean. Saying “no” becomes a Herculean task because, somehow, you end up feeling guilty, ashamed, or like you’ve let someone down—when in reality, you’ve just set a healthy boundary. But for the narcissist, your “no” is an existential threat.
Here are 25 ways narcissists manipulate and twist your reality to make you feel guilty, so you’ll start questioning yourself instead of holding your ground.
1. They play the martyr
You said “no,” and suddenly, they’re the victim. They’ll act like you’ve crushed their spirit, as if your boundary is an offense to their very existence.
2. They guilt-trip you into compliance
A narcissist will make you feel like you’re the worst person on earth for not agreeing with them. “I can’t believe you’d do this to me,” they’ll say, twisting your simple refusal into a betrayal.
3. They project their emotions onto you
They’ll say, “You’re the one making me feel this way,” when, in fact, they’re just trying to manipulate you into feeling guilty for standing up for yourself.
4. They promise change, but never deliver
Narcissists are experts at promising to do better, only to manipulate you into thinking that saying “no” might sabotage the one chance they have to change. Spoiler alert: they won’t.
5. They gaslight you
They make you question your own feelings and reality. “You’re being too sensitive,” they say, completely ignoring how your “no” is a normal and healthy boundary.
6. They use past mistakes against you
Remember that one time you said “yes” when you shouldn’t have? They’ll dig it up, throw it in your face, and make you feel like saying “no” now is some kind of unforgivable offense.
7. They make you feel selfish
A narcissist will reframe any of your boundaries as selfishness. Suddenly, prioritizing your needs becomes a “selfish act” that leaves them feeling neglected. Who knew self-care was so egregious?
8. They manipulate your emotions
They’ll use your emotions to guilt you into saying “yes.” “You don’t want me to be upset, do you?” becomes their weapon of choice, leaving you torn between their drama and your own peace.
9. They make everything about them
A narcissist doesn’t care about the “why” behind your “no.” All they know is that your refusal is all about them and their need to control the situation.
10. They demand constant validation
If you refuse them, they’ll convince you that you don’t care about their feelings enough to validate them. You’ll end up feeling like you’ve broken a rule that never existed.
11. They manipulate your empathy
Narcissists know you’re kind-hearted, and they’ll exploit that. “But I need you” is their go-to line to turn your refusal into an emotional failure on your part.
12. They use silence as punishment
The cold shoulder becomes their tool of choice, and suddenly, you’re questioning if you’ve made the wrong decision. Their silence says more than words: “You owe me.”
13. They make you feel responsible for their emotions
Their temper tantrums, mood swings, or passive-aggressive remarks are all your fault in their eyes. Saying “no” means you’re failing to meet their emotional needs, so the guilt piles up.
14. They call you ungrateful
If you refuse them, they’ll accuse you of being ungrateful, reminding you of all the “favors” they’ve done for you—even if those “favors” were manipulative in nature.
15. They victimize themselves
“I always do everything for you, and this is how you repay me?” They twist the narrative, and suddenly, you’re the one who’s been unfair to them. Classic narcissist tactic.
16. They invalidate your feelings
When you say “no,” they’ll try to invalidate your feelings, making it seem like your own emotions don’t matter. “You don’t even know what you want,” they might say, undermining your own desires and choices.
17. They make you feel inadequate
You’re made to feel like you’re not enough if you don’t say “yes” to them. “If you really cared, you’d do this for me,” they’ll imply, planting seeds of self-doubt.
18. They turn others against you
When you start to set boundaries, they’ll spread lies or make subtle remarks to others to make you look bad. It’s all about manipulating the situation to get people to side with them.
19. They play the ‘you owe me’ card
Saying “no” to a narcissist feels like you’ve betrayed them because, in their eyes, you owe them for everything they’ve done—even if it wasn’t something you asked for.
20. They make you feel like a bad person
You’ll feel like you’re morally wrong for standing up for yourself. Narcissists will make your refusal feel like a moral failing, twisting your own sense of right and wrong.
21. They act like your refusal is a betrayal
Saying “no” is somehow a violation of the unspoken contract you have with them. You’ll feel like a traitor, and they’ll let you know it.
22. They turn your “no” into a reflection of your character
It’s no longer just a simple word. It becomes a judgment on who you are as a person. “You’re so rude!” they might say, turning your boundary into an attack on your character.
23. They imply you’re being unreasonable
“Why can’t you just do this one thing for me?” They make you feel like your refusal is totally irrational, as if your personal needs are irrelevant to the situation.
24. They accuse you of not loving them
When you say “no,” they’ll accuse you of not loving them enough. “If you really loved me, you would…” becomes the line they pull to manipulate your emotions.
25. They make you doubt your own decisions
After saying “no,” you’ll start questioning your own choices. They’ll make you believe that you’re the one who’s wrong for having boundaries and that you should feel guilty for prioritizing yourself.
Narcissists are experts at making you feel guilty for setting boundaries. And the truth? It’s all a game—a way for them to maintain control and keep you trapped in a cycle of guilt and manipulation. It’s important to remember that boundaries are healthy and necessary. Don’t let anyone—especially a narcissist—make you feel guilty for saying “no.”