Have you ever been in a situation where you say “no” to a man, only to feel like you’ve just committed the greatest crime in the universe? That’s not your conscience speaking—it’s the toxic manipulation of a narcissist at work. You see, narcissistic men have this disturbing knack for making you feel guilty for simply setting a boundary. They twist your words, play on your emotions, and make you question your own judgment. It’s a game they play, and it’s one of the worst forms of emotional abuse. Here are 15 ways they do it, and why it’s so damaging.
1. They Make You Feel Like You’re Being Selfish
Narcissistic men often try to convince women that setting boundaries is inherently selfish. They’ll tell you that you’re thinking only of yourself and neglecting their needs. The truth? You’re allowed to prioritize yourself. Your needs matter.
2. They Use Silence as a Weapon
When you say no, they’ll go silent. It’s not because they need time to think—it’s a power play. They’ll make you feel like your refusal is a huge mistake, leaving you to stew in guilt until you cave.
3. They Reframe “No” as Rejection
To a narcissist, saying “no” doesn’t just mean “no.” It’s seen as a personal attack. They will convince you that refusing them means rejecting them as a person. And that? That is simply not true.
4. They Gaslight You into Doubting Your Decision
Narcissists are experts at gaslighting. They’ll twist your words and actions until you question your own sense of right and wrong. They’ll make you wonder if maybe you did overreact, or if maybe they had a point in making you feel guilty.
5. They Paint You as the “Bad Guy”
When you draw a boundary, they’ll make sure everyone around you knows how “unreasonable” you are. Their goal is to make you feel isolated and wrong while they play the victim. The worst part? People might actually start believing them.
6. They Make You Feel Like You Owe Them Everything
A narcissist will often say, “After all I’ve done for you, the least you could do is…” and just like that, your refusal feels like a betrayal. They’ll guilt-trip you into feeling indebted to them, even for things they did with their own self-interest in mind.
7. They Call You “Overdramatic”
In the world of narcissistic men, any boundary you set is an overreaction. They’ll make you feel like you’re the one who’s being overly emotional, turning the tables so that you question whether you’re being too harsh or unreasonable.
8. They Play the Victim
They’ll say things like, “Why do you hate me so much?” or, “I guess I’m just not important enough for you.” They’ll position themselves as the long-suffering martyr, forcing you to feel guilty for your perfectly valid refusal.
9. They Use Guilt as a Manipulation Tool
A narcissist knows how to use guilt to get what they want. They might say something like, “If you really loved me, you wouldn’t say no.” In this moment, they’re not talking about love—they’re talking about control.
10. They Make You Feel Like You’re Not Doing Enough
Once you set a boundary, the narcissist will tell you that you’re not doing enough. “I always do things for you, and all I’m asking is for this one thing.” What they don’t realize is that you don’t owe them anything beyond mutual respect.
11. They Make You Fear Their Reaction
Sometimes, it’s not even what they say—it’s how they react. You’ll see their disappointment or anger, and it makes you feel like you’ve done something unforgivable. The fear of their reaction can make even the most confident women second-guess themselves.
12. They Present Their Needs as Non-Negotiable
A narcissist will present their needs as absolute truths, making you feel like there is no room for negotiation. They’ll act like any refusal is a personal attack on their very existence, making it hard for you to even say “no” in the first place.
13. They Pretend to “Understand” Your Boundaries, but Don’t
They’ll act like they understand your reasons for saying no, but deep down, they just want to wear you down until you give in. They’ll act sweet for a while, only to revert back to their manipulative behavior when they sense you’re weakening.
14. They Never Acknowledge Your Boundaries Until It’s Too Late
You may have set a boundary that should have been respected, but they’ll ignore it—until it’s convenient for them to use your refusal against you. Then, it becomes the ammunition they need to guilt-trip you into submission.
15. They Pretend They Don’t Understand Boundaries
Narcissistic men often claim that they “don’t understand” boundaries. They’ll tell you they’ve never had a partner who’s done this before. It’s an excuse to make you feel like you’re the problem. But boundaries are healthy and necessary, no matter what they say.
Why It’s Abuse
This behavior isn’t just annoying—it’s abusive. Narcissists use guilt to manipulate and control, making you question your own decisions and your worth. Setting boundaries isn’t something you should feel guilty about—it’s a sign of self-respect and self-care. Unfortunately, narcissists will never respect that. And the sooner you realize that, the sooner you’ll be free of the emotional chaos they create.
In the end, it’s crucial to remember that your boundaries are valid, and no one has the right to make you feel guilty for asserting them. If someone is constantly making you feel bad for saying “no,” it’s time to reassess the relationship. Narcissistic behavior isn’t love—it’s manipulation. You deserve a relationship where your needs are heard and respected, not one where you’re constantly walking on eggshells.