Cheating is a devastating betrayal, and when the cheater is a narcissist, the damage is often compounded by their ability to twist the truth. Narcissists are known for their manipulative behaviors, and when caught cheating, they resort to a specific set of phrases designed to deflect blame, confuse their partner, and maintain control over the situation. These phrases are not just words—they are weapons in the narcissist’s arsenal, carefully crafted to protect their fragile ego while keeping their partner off-balance.
Understanding the things narcissists say when they cheat can help you recognize the signs of manipulation and emotional abuse. These phrases are part of a broader strategy to shift blame, avoid accountability, and keep the relationship on their terms. By knowing what to look for, you can better protect yourself and begin the process of healing from their betrayal.
“It’s Not What You Think”
One of the first things a narcissist might say when confronted about cheating is, “It’s not what you think.” This phrase is designed to create doubt in your mind, making you question your own perception of reality. By planting this seed of uncertainty, the narcissist can buy themselves time to come up with a more elaborate lie or explanation.
This tactic is a form of gaslighting, where the narcissist distorts the truth to make you feel as though you’re overreacting or imagining things. It’s a way to maintain control of the narrative and keep you from seeing the full extent of their betrayal.
“You’re Just Paranoid”
When a narcissist tells you that you’re being paranoid, they are attempting to shift the focus away from their own actions and onto your supposed irrationality. This phrase is meant to make you doubt your instincts and feel guilty for even questioning their behavior.
This form of manipulation is particularly damaging because it erodes your self-trust. By convincing you that your concerns are unfounded, the narcissist can continue their deceit with less fear of being caught. It’s a tactic that keeps you second-guessing yourself and more dependent on their version of reality.
“We Were Just Talking”
Another common phrase narcissists use is, “We were just talking,” when confronted about inappropriate behavior with someone else. This minimizes the seriousness of their actions and downplays the emotional betrayal, making it seem as though you’re overreacting to something harmless.
This dismissal of your feelings is a way to make you feel foolish for being upset. It’s also a strategy to avoid taking responsibility for their actions, as the narcissist wants to maintain the appearance of innocence while continuing their deceit.
“You’re Overreacting”
By telling you that you’re overreacting, the narcissist is attempting to invalidate your emotions and downplay the seriousness of the situation. This phrase is meant to make you feel as though your response is exaggerated, causing you to question whether your feelings are justified.
This tactic is a classic example of emotional manipulation, where the narcissist shifts the focus from their wrongdoing to your reaction. It’s a way to avoid accountability and maintain control over the situation, keeping you off-balance and unsure of yourself.
“I Would Never Do That to You”
When caught, a narcissist might say, “I would never do that to you,” despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary. This outright denial is intended to create confusion and make you doubt what you know to be true. It’s a way to gaslight you into believing that you’re misinterpreting the situation.
This phrase is particularly insidious because it preys on your trust in the relationship. By insisting that they would never hurt you, the narcissist manipulates your emotions and keeps you questioning your own judgment.
“It’s All in Your Head”
By saying, “It’s all in your head,” the narcissist is attempting to gaslight you into believing that your suspicions are unfounded and purely a product of your imagination. This phrase is designed to make you doubt your own perceptions and feel guilty for even suspecting them of cheating.
This tactic is incredibly damaging because it undermines your confidence in your ability to recognize the truth. The narcissist uses this phrase to keep you in a state of confusion, making it easier for them to continue their deceit without being caught.
“We Were On a Break”
If the narcissist has been caught cheating during a temporary separation, they might use the excuse, “We were on a break,” to justify their actions. This phrase is meant to blur the lines of fidelity and make you question whether they actually did anything wrong.
This excuse is a way for the narcissist to avoid taking responsibility for their betrayal. By framing their infidelity as something that occurred during a period of ambiguity, they can minimize the impact of their actions and shift the blame onto the circumstances rather than themselves.
“They Came Onto Me”
When a narcissist says, “They came onto me,” they are attempting to shift the blame for their infidelity onto the other person involved. This phrase is meant to absolve themselves of responsibility by portraying themselves as the victim of someone else’s advances.
This tactic is a way to deflect accountability and maintain the illusion of innocence. By casting themselves as the unwilling participant, the narcissist can continue to manipulate the situation and avoid facing the consequences of their actions.
“I Didn’t Want to Hurt You”
By saying, “I didn’t want to hurt you,” the narcissist is attempting to frame their betrayal as something that was done out of concern for your feelings. This phrase is meant to evoke sympathy and make you feel as though their actions were somehow justified or excusable.
This excuse is a form of emotional manipulation, where the narcissist shifts the focus from their wrongdoing to their supposed concern for your well-being. It’s a way to minimize the impact of their betrayal and keep you emotionally invested in the relationship.
“It Didn’t Mean Anything”
When a narcissist says, “It didn’t mean anything,” they are trying to downplay the significance of their infidelity. This phrase is meant to make you feel as though the betrayal was a minor lapse in judgment rather than a serious breach of trust.
This tactic is designed to minimize your feelings and make you question whether the infidelity is worth ending the relationship over. By insisting that it was meaningless, the narcissist can continue to manipulate your emotions and keep you in a state of confusion.
In conclusion, the things narcissists say when they cheat are not just excuses—they are calculated attempts to manipulate, control, and maintain their power in the relationship. Recognizing these phrases and understanding the tactics behind them is crucial for protecting yourself from further harm. Healing begins with seeing the truth, no matter how painful, and taking steps to reclaim your sense of self and well-being.